It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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