you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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