I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
