I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
