This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
