i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
