Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
