He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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