I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
