Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
