lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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