Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
