should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
