perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
