i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
