I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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