Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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