I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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