i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
