please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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