My sheets look like a crime scene.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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