you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
