hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
