A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
