He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
