Please, let me fuck your mom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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