I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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