I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize