our cab driver is having phone sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
