Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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