There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
