Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
