So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
