if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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