hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
