id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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