oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
