yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
