he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
