I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
