Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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