Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
