Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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