addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Buhtt sex?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
