why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
