Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
