Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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