I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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