No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
