We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
