when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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