So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
