if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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