i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
