i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
