I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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