either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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