I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
