Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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