I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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