Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
