The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
