I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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