I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
