I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
