He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
