Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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