the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
