I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
