The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
