i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
