We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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