just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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