We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
