We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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