i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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