And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just pee around me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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