dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
