If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
