some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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