Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
