her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
