he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
