I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
